Fourth life: 2007 – 2013


As soon as the decision had been made, I won a design-competition of the company Atomic. My artwork soon adorned a snowboard and I suddenly had contact to their design team, which wanted to see more of my works – well, I thought to myself, looks like I should be part of the design world, instead of the artworld where I thought I’d belonged to. If my fate has actually prepared this path for me, I will walk on it best as I can. To be independent, I deliberately chose my first bread-and-butter job at Ikea. My credo was already then: rent, electricity and telephone bills must always be paid without me having to pander to anyone with my paintings or having to be alimented by someone. Independence brings freedom, and freedom gives me the highest level of development and space to grow my abilities.



Everything of course came back completely differently than i imagined, however. Just as it should be, when a small, insignificant human being has great visions and believes it can see through the eternal plans and think it can pull all the strings.



My dad got an incurable form of cancer … it was a long and painful death. To be there for him was important for the both of us, and it gave me a deep humility for being healthy – what a privilege that me and so many of us enjoy and, unfortunately, often do not learn to appreciate until it is too late.
This time was disturbing, but brought peace back into our relationship. Many conversations filled the emptiness between us and brought us closer to each other again. Finally, we were allowed to share each other’s thoughts, and we reached forgiveness and sincere understanding for each other … Peace between two souls is probably one of the most precious things that can happen in this life.



My father died in 2013, which made my brother Christoph and me grow even closer. After initial grief and insecurity, I was blessed to witness how my brother surpassed himself and dove into an independent life, detached from everything. To accompany him in that was beautiful and an enrichment for my heart, spirit and soul.



Eventually, I went from part-time to full-time work because at this time, I had no passion for my artistic ambitions to conquer the world with. For the moment, I put my plans and ambitions back into my heart , to the place where the silent knowledge lived, that my time would come and that, no matter how big all the challenges are, life is always a privilege, a treasure and absolutely beautiful. “For everything there is a season”… another proverb that carries a part of the truth.



I do not need to highlight that drawing, painting and writing – which I discovered for myself back then – were the cornerstones of my mental health during this time. My gift has always been my lifeboat and always will be. Losing it, I guess, I would lose myself.



© tamarakolb